Monday, August 18, 2008

Combining Love With Power

Joel and I had a wonderful discussion about Father today. It's amazing that we can have such a strong spiritual connection, one where we just go on and on about our love for Jesus and what He's doing in our lives; what He's teaching and revealing to us. And He's speaking to us both on two entirely different extremes.

To me, Father has shown so much love. He's poured out blessing upon blessing upon blessing, day after day. He's put in me a spirit of beauty, of feeling great about myself; of confidence. He's put in me light and life and peace and comfort. He's revealed to me grace and just amazing attributes of His love and perfection. He's shown me wonder.

Father's showing Joel something much seemingly different. He's showing him His sovereignty, His power. Father is revealing the Creator God to Joel, the one that creates the stars and the universe. The one that is above all, more powerful than all, higher than all, superior to all. The one that is Holy and Just and mighty.

These are two very extreme and realistic attributes of God. On one hand, God is holy and high. On the other hand, He is the epitome of love and grace. So very often, we tend to lean towards one attribute, drawing ourselves to IT, rather than the entirety of God.

This is where I am struggling.

God help.
This has been a prayer that seems to find it's way to my lips so very often lately.

I want to know God. I long to seek His face, to know Him personally and fully. Of course, I will never grasp Him or understand Him completely. But I desire to seek His face and know as much as I possibly can about my Creator. I expressed to Joel today that, though I KNOW God is above all and superior to all, I have an easier time finding the heart of Father rather than the power of Him. I lean to one extreme attribute of God (though it is a realistic and perfectly true one) and constantly put to the side, the view of my God as bigger and greater than all things. I know these things to be true, I just tend not to apply them in my thoughts, prayers, and conversations about Him.

I'm so very confused. Not in a bad way at all, though. I'm just trying to understand how I can see God in His entirety, rather than in one specific attribute. Used to be, I missed the grace and love of God, and saw only His power and greatness. And now, here I am, flipping the switch. Again, it isn't that I don't know that God is powerful; I just need to see Him in that light more-so. And this is going to become my prayer.

I think after this whole Calvinism study (which, oh my goodness, God is good and revealed so much to me recently on the subject), I have an even harder time seeing God as sovereign and mighty because I feel like (and I'm sure I'm wrong) that Calvinism places such a monstrous view of God, and makes Him seem so impersonable...I think that's what my problem is.

Seeing God in such a high and powerful light, in my own human mind, makes God less personable. It makes Him look (again, to my human mind) less like a Father that desires relationship and intimacy, and more like a being that really has no part in our most intimate thoughts and desires. I need a vision change; I need to look at Father in a new light. One that includes both love and sovereignty. I need God to work on me. And the very fact that I'm even realizing this stuff shows me that He already is.

I need the spirit in me, teaching me and showing me more about the God that I serve.
I want to know Him.

I doubt this blog made much sense. I have so much in my head, and it goes too fast to get out with my fingers. All I know is that I have a lot of seeking and growing to do; and I cannot wait to do it.

No comments: