Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Fire Fall Down

It's a sad thing when you can pray for 45 minutes straight and think that you've done something super spiritual. It's a sad thing when praying for 45 minutes straight is out of the ordinary. It's a sad thing when praying for 45 minutes makes you feel satisfied and content in your relationship with Christ.

I wish it would have been 45 hours.

I spent a short but amazing time with Joel today. We sat in the Waffle House for two hours and talked about things spiritual. I wish I could express with words how amazed I am of my boyfriend. Just listening to him talk about the things of God that he's so passionate about just takes my breath away. This is how I know I'm in a relationship of God; When I get more joy and excitement about listening to my boyfriend talk about Jesus than I do listening to him talk about me. When I would rather him flood God with compliments in my presence than compliment me. When I would desire to see him praise and love God over me. I desire it. And I love seeing it. What have I done to get so lucky?

Another way I know I'm in a relationship of God, is leaving Joel's tonight, I desired to seek God. In the car, on the long drive home, I started talking to my Savior. What started out as a simple prayer, ended up being a forty-five minute emotional conversation with my Heavenly Father. I smiled, I prayed, I requested, I wept. I was all over the place. And I could feel God sitting right there with me, listening so intently, with so much attention and focus on every word I was uttering to Him. Nobody gives me that kind of undivided attention. Nobody. But God, in all His glory, in all His beauty, in all His amazing greatness, actually takes the effort, the time, and the consideration to basically hang on every word I express to Him. Not only that, but responds, and acts in my requests and desires. What an amazing God we serve! What an amazing God that He would stoop down and even give us the time of day; that He would bother with people as insignificant and small in this world. He tells me to cast my cares upon Him, for He cares for me. Check you out, God! How amazing can you get?

In the car, I can honestly say I laid down everything. I expressed my willingness to give certain things up. I expressed my desire to put God before I put anything. To stop rushing time with Him to spend elsewhere, and start rushing time elsewhere to spend with Him. I begged and pleaded for a desire, a fire, a passion, a hunger for His name, for His words, for His truths. I want nothing more than God, and God alone. I want my love for God to be so great and so abundant that, compared to Him, I hate everything else in my life. I want to hate everybody in comparison to my love for God. (Luke 14:26)
I need the heart, the mind, the spirit, the desire of God.
I need my heart broken for the things that God's heart is broken for.
I need my life changed to fit the will of Father.
I need my mind set on the things of the spirit.
I need my world rocked by the love of God.

I want Father's heart. And this is my plea.

God, take it all. Every single bit, until nothing is left.

And some how spending time with Joel has sparked these things in me.
Friends, you want to know who you need to spend time with as a christian? Look at the people that, when you're with them, they make you love God. If spending time with somebody wants to make you get in the word, seek God's face, give up your life for the cause of Christ - that person is one to keep around. Look for these people. Yes we need friends, parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, that will lift us up and encourage us. But I submit to you that even more so we need those that are going to put in us a hunger for God like we can't experience on our own. We need to drench ourselves in people that will boost us up spiritually, keep us in line, and send us soaring towards our Father. Another prayer tonight was that when people spend time with me, they will have a bigger desire to be with God. That being in my presence, because my love for God is so strong, they will not see me, not hear my words, but will see Christ and Christ alone, and will leave my presence hungering for Jesus. No, it's not of me. It's God in me. I want to serve, honor, and obey God so much in my life that it penetrates into the hearts of others around me that they cannot help but see only Him when they are with me.

God PLEASE show me how to live a life so pleasing to you, so anointed by the spirit. Please.

Honestly, I just love my Jesus above all else.

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