Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Roller Coasters

Never have I ever...

Ever played that game?

Well, never have I ever been this up and down spiritually than I have this past half week or so. As far as all this Calvinist stuff goes, I'm putting it to rest. I fought it and I fought it. I prayed and I sought. I conclude that I came to an answer. And now I am more than ready to be finished with it. Wish I could say it was fun. It was not. Though I did not get anything out of Calvinism but a better understanding of it (some would disagree), I did get something out of this whole experience...I realized even more-so my Savior's love for me. Some would say that Calvinism will make you see Christ's love even more. Well, I didn't. In fact, my own beliefs that I've always held true help me to see my God so much greater, so much more wonderful, and so much more loving.

I think He's trying to show me this whole "God is love" thing lately.

I've always known that God loves me. That He is love. And I almost hate getting into it, because I feel like a Joel Osteen or a prosperity teacher or something crazy like that. Haha. I'm definitely far from that. But I really like to stress the importance of the fact that my Christ is love, and showed love, and still shows it every day. He loves me. And I love Him so much back. I cannot wait to go to church tonight. I cannot wait to just bask in the glory and presence of Father, singing to Him and hearing His words.

I've got quite a bit to look forward to tonight. I'm praying and seeking. And I don't know what Father has in plan. But I hope He tells me soon. I trust in Him completely, no matter what circumstances come my way. He is God, and always will be my perfect provider and sustainer. GEEZ I love my Jesus!

I've never been so in love with Him in my life.

Good stuff is to come. Bad stuff might find it's way in there too. But I'm comfortable in Christ's love. I'll be alright.

Start work in two weeks.
Start more work in a month 1/2.
Celebrate a 12 year friendship on the 18th. (okay, so we already celebrated...but it's official on the 18th)
Spend another day in grace, so long as God wills.

So crazy, the comfort that God can give. I've cried and involved myself in confusion so much today. Just trying to understand and get things. My mind is going nuts. Yet my love in Christ is so much greater than that. "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world." It's so true. All of the things in the world, all of the evil, all of the bad, is so much less, so much weaker than the One living inside me, comforting me, teaching me, growing me. It's a beautiful, wonderful thing. I can't get enough of it. Everything else fades when I think about Savior. And THAT is what it's all about it. Finding Christ as your treasure (as my devotion has been talking about) and letting everything else be counted as loss, as rubbish, when compared to the glory and awesomeness of Father. He truly is my treasure.

I'll just end with a smile on my face.


Joseph said...

I hope you don't mind me posting on your blog still. I'll probably eventually disappear.

My intention was to never hurt you nor cause you pain. However, all things work together for the good of those that love Him...we should probably stop there :p

Again, I do apologize for the stress that I caused directly. Not my intentions. Not at all. I find it absolutely amazing though that I see God completely different concerning certain things and yet feel the same way about Him as you do. Except I see Him as "the" Father, and not just "Father." That's a first for me. Nothing wrong it, just never seen it before.

That's why I'm posting this. I don't know of many people (other than those I've read about) that have such sorrow over sin. Granted, I'm sure the sorrow I currently experience is nothing, that it is minute compared to Christ, but you know what I mean. I know you said you don't trust me as a spiritual "something" I forget, but I would recommend that you read a book called "The Life and Diary of David Brainerd."

Had a great effect on me and still does. Since you don't trust me, the reviews on Amazon are pretty accurate. I mean no sarcasm nor ill-will concerning the 'not-trusting' remarks.

Keep it reelz Miss Kristi. Maybe our feet can get off correctly. (Cause we got off on the wrong foot...get it? Hardy har har)

And Joel is a great guy, don't dump him cause he might lean towards Calvinism. :)

Oh, and you take really good pics. If you don't mind, I'd like to reserve you for my wedding. I'm not engaged or plan on getting married anytime soon, but I figure I can reserve you now, maybe become efriends, and you come take pics for free! J/k.

Alright, for real, keep it real. And you have books to recommend, don't hesitate. I'll pretend to have read them, :) But seriously, do share.

Kristi said...

Hi Joe,

I don't mind you posting at all! I didn't mean for us to get off on the wrong foot, and I am sorry it turned out that way. I apologize for times...though "bitter and prideful" would probably be a better desription. You didn't cause stress or anything like that. Like I was telling Joel on the phone tonight...I'm really just over this whole thing mainly because satan has used it against me SO much this week. And though I know in the depths of my heart that neither you or Joel ever posted anything to intentionally upset me, satan STILL used words that were said against me to make me feel bad. It wasn't you, it was him, and it's just really made me feel bad. So that's really my main reason for just being over it. I don't like satan sticking around too much :P

Please still talk to me! :) I don't want there to be anything weirdness or bitterness between us. You seem great, and I'd love to get to know you more. I am, again, sorry if I was wrongful in any of this towards you. I prayed about it tonight, and prayed for you as well. So just know you're in my prayers :)

Anyway, thanks for understanding my not wanting to continue the discussion. I really do appreciate it.

BTW - Let me know when a wedding comes into play...I would LOVE to take your pictures for you ;)
I might even give you a discount.