Saturday, September 27, 2008

Backwards

It's funny;

We usually use the term "time heals all wounds" ...

So often, with me at least, with every passing day bad circumstances become easier to cope with. They're always hard-hitting and difficult in the beginning, and with each day they look up more and more.


Everything is backwards. I feel like, with recent circumstances, everything becomes more and more difficult. It becomes harder to wake up every morning. It becomes harder to fall asleep at night. It becomes so much easier to turn down doing other things than staying home in my PJs. It seems as though I'm drifting further and further from healing as time progresses, and I don't understand it. I'm trying to praise God, I truly am. And He has blessed me with so much joy and peace, it's insane. But a big part of me feels so empty, and I feel like I'm emptying more of myself with every moment. I almost feel alone. I've got so much support and so much love around me - yet I feel alone in this. God help. I'm so desperately and hopelessly lost without you.


I think I'm going to start going to Salsa classes with Brad. I've been wanting to get involved in dance, and I think it will be a lot of fun. I need some more extracurricular activities to keep me busy. As long as I'm busy, I'm fine.

But the moment I become alone, with nothing to do, I weaken. It's almost like as soon as I hit my room at night, I crumble. Everything crumbles.




To everything there is a season.
I just don't know how long this season will last.



The joy of the Lord is always my strength. It's always my comfort, my peace, my hope. God fills every hole in my life with more fulfilling fullness than anything or anybody else could. God mends my broken heart in ways so amazing, bringing it back to better condition than it was before it was broken. He's just incredible like that. And, like Mrs. Darlene said during worship tonight, regardless of our circumstances God is still so very worthy to be praised.

I will praise Him, always.
I just need help doing so.

Tomorrow looks to be a busy day, and I am so glad it will be such.



***


Nostalgia has got the best of me;


...Those were the days.






It's still pouring, and I am drenched.

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