Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Ultimate Romanctic

Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Psalm 16:9-11

I couldn't ever begin to describe the significance and importance of this passage of scripture in my life. My Jesus undeniably loves me.

I realized last night that I've been so cruel to my God recently. To the point of breaking His heart even. I had to repent last night, and just ask that He forgive me. I can't imagine what it must be like being God, the ultimate romancer and lover, the perfect one...sitting back and watching the one He loves not being satisfied in His intimacy. I lay there last night, tears running down my cheeks as I wept over someone else. I cried because another person wasn't satisfying that hole, wasn't making me feel loved and desired. I was so focused on them and the fact that all I wanted was to be loved by them...

And then Savior spoke.

He showed me something I never really thought about. He showed me Himself, so brokenhearted, wishing I would only turn my eye His way. There He is, holding my life in His hands. He's died for me, He'd given up everything to have me. He's romanced me into His heart and bought me as His own. He's made me His princess, His bride. He's provided all I've ever needed. He's given me more than I've ever asked for. He's comforted me through every tear drop I've cried. He's never left, not once. Not even for a moment. He's listened intently to every word I've ever shared with Him. He's shared with me too. He's held me in His arms and allowed me to feel the joy of His presence. He's sustained me, protected me, guided me, and loved me every moment of every day. He's deeply and unconditionally in love with me. His heart beats faster with my very looking in His direction. He gets joy, excitement every time we share conversations, moments. He's been perfect, always. He's never let me down. He's all I've ever wanted and more.

And I can't even imagine the pain that I cause Him when I'm wishing for anything more than Him.

I sit here, and I've done this so many times in the past, crying because a human being cannot make me happy. A human being has let me down. I'm weeping because a fallible man won't love me or provide for me or desire me. And yet the entire time Jesus is standing there just wishing I would look at Him. Because He knows that the moment I step back into His romance, He can provide for me all the desires of my heart to be loved and adored. I can just see Him begging for me to just turn my eyes for only a moment away from these men that let me down and onto Him that He may romance me back into His arms. Jesus just waits. He's the perfect gentleman and never forces. He just patiently waits. And while I'm busy being broken hearted over some person, bound to let me down, Jesus is broken hearted because I won't let Him be the love of my life and fulfill my every desire. In His presence is joy! In His hands are pleasures forevermore! Why have I not gotten this? Why have I not always just been so wrapped up in Him that nobody else even gets a glance from my eyes? Why settle for such human love when I can have the perfect love, the infallible love, the love that endures for all of eternity. There will be a day when I can come face to face with my Savior and embrace Him tighter than I ever thought possible and actually feel Him physically hold me in His arms and love me. That day will overpower and outdo every single human embrace I've ever experienced combined. And I need to start preparing for that day. He wants to embrace me now. I need to let Him.

Oh God, you are the lover of my heart and you have me. I am yours, beloved, and you are mine. You're all I want. You're all I need. You're everything lovely and wonderful and beautiful and amazing. I could never want when I'm with you. I would never desire anything else when I'm with you. You are the ultimate romantic, and I adore you Jesus. Thank you for loving me how I could never be loved by fallible men. Thank you for staying true when nobody else does. Thank you for staying beside me when they all walk away. Nobody could replace you. Nobody could outdo you. You are the only source of true joy and real romance. I'm desperately in love with you.

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