Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Undesirable

Lately I've been feeling so undesired; less attractive, not wanted. Last night I went to bed with this feeling extreme. I suppose I come to this point, time after time, where I'm led to believe I'm important, special, attractive in another person's eyes. And suddenly it fades and I'm back to where I started. Time and time and time again.

I talked to Father and I just expressed this feeling of being undesired. He explained to me that His desire for me is sufficient. I began to realize that He is enough. He wants me, He desires me, and that is more than I could ask for. I would rather be desired by my Heavenly Father than a hundred men on earth. I'm not saying I want to be looked upon. That isn't the case. I guess it's a feeling of wanting to be loved, wanting intimacy with someone here. I know God's time makes everything perfect. I must rest in that. For the time being, I have to be satisfied in my Father's desire for me, and the love He so abundantly pours out upon me. I must know that I am desired, and it runs deeper than anything else. Last night I just asked God to help me be satisfied in Him, satisfied in the desire He has for me, and not long for anything else.


And I then I woke up feeling beautiful. He does this a lot. It's not really an outward beauty so much as it is something inside, bursting out. It's like Father shines His beauty inside of me, making feel as though I have worth in Him, He reveals wonders in my heart and I just feel beauty radiating all around me. Inside and out. God blesses us when we come to Him in need. I've been blessed this morning.


I am satisfied in my Father's love. I am thankful that He desires me. My prayer is that I will desire Him more today than I did yesterday, and become so wrapped up in Him that nobody or nothing else matters. I love Him.




PS - I'm sick.

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