Saturday, December 6, 2008

Passing Out

Today at the mall I finally broke down and bought an itty bitty hoop for my cartilage piercing at piercing pagoda. When I bought it I wanted it in right then; which was a big mistake. I took out my stud which really needed cleaning, and attempted to put my new hoop in. My hole started to bleed and was getting agitated. I guess I had gotten nervous, and I began getting ridiculously queasy. The more I tried to put the earring in, the more nauseous I got and I just knew any minute I would throw up. I told Natalie we had to leave and go to the bathroom. Then suddenly I felt light headed and my vision started getting blurry. I could barely walk. My ears started humming and all of the sounds around me started to fade out as though they were acting as distant background sounds. I knew that at any minute I was going to pass out. I couldn't make it to the bathroom so I hit the floor and waited it out. I was ready to fall over and I just knew it was going to happen. Thankfully it didn't and I eventually got over it. I grabbed a pretzel to stop my shakes and stood it out. I never want to experience that again. That was the closest I've ever come to passing out and it's the closest I ever want to get.

When I got to the house I still couldn't get the hoop in. Thankfully there was a buy one get one 50% off sale going on at piercing pagoda and I took advantage of it buying a second pair of hoops and was able to get one of those in. It looks really cute but wasn't worth my sickly spell. I think between my odd diet today and all of the stress I've been under, plus lack of sleep, my body just gave in.


The other day I was telling Lizzy about my awesome day that I had last week and how much God blessed me and the first thing she responded with was "Did you thank Father?"

Can I tell you how much of a blessing it is to have a best friend that asks me questions like that.

Sometimes I don't see it but I'm blessed beyond means. I'm depressed. I'm hurt. I'm heartbroken. I'm upset. I'm sad. I'm weak. I'm scared. But I've got people in my life that love me and God that's taking care of me. I couldn't ask for anything else in this world.
Jesus, you are the love of my life. You have my heart. I'm sorry for having given it away to anybody else. He didn't deserve it. He didn't see what you see.

I will defeat the enemy.

I go home tomorrow. Sometimes I wish I could move away from Gainesville and never go back. I often believe there's nothing for me there. Nothing for me in Florida. I'd love to get away and make an entirely new and different life for myself. The adventure it would be.

You made me feel like an idiot tonight.
Or maybe that was me.

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