Thursday, October 29, 2009

Outcasted



So once again the flame of my human distrust has been fanned.


One week ago I had a yard sale with two people I trusted my complete friendship with. It was a yard sale that all three of us put a lot of time, energy, and effort into and it was going toward a trip down to Ft. Lauderdale for an Esthetics Convention we would be taking next weekend. I spent so much time (and gas money, being it was 45 minutes away) on this yard sale so that we would have enough money to go.

Monday night I was informed by the girls that they were financially unable to go on the trip, and were backing out. As upset as I was about it, I was willing to let it go...


...until yesterday.



While setting up in the classroom I overheard one of my "friends" say that she hoped the weather would be nice in time for Ft. Lauderdale. At that moment I caught them in their lie. It wasn't that they did not have the money to go on the trip. They just did not, for a reason absolutely unknown to me, want me to go with them. So they lied and told me they were not going when, in reality, they were going with the other group of girls. And I was left completely alone.


That is when all of the rude comments, hatefulness, and outright harassment started occurring. I went into three panic attacks within the first hour of class yesterday. I cried the entire time through my first client of the night - thankfully they wear eye pads. I was devastated; heartbroken.


It is going to be so hard to trust anybody with my heart anymore. Boys break it, girls destroy it. Who do I even trust?


...Jesus.




I am at an utter and complete loss, and, to be very honest with you, incredibly scared.


I could probably write ten pages of information on this situation. So much has happened and is continuing to happen. However I feel as though I've worn myself out with the writing I've been doing in my head. It's all I think about anymore. 
I need things to change...drastically.


No comments: