Just as I had predicted he would.
I couldn't cry myself to sleep, so I just cried myself sick. I've been up all night. My body refuses to rest. I wish my best friend was here. I just made breakfast and the sun will show up soon. I suppose that could be nice. Maybe I'll do some morning yoga.
That paragraph was so very poorly pieced together.
And my entire body hurts. It just hurts.
I feel so finished. Used, really.
I can only believe that I could never be loved the way I've always dreamed of being loved. I worked so hard to put up my guard. I had nearly become pro at limiting my emotional investment in guys...keeping it to a minimum. Not allowing myself to fall. Then he worked so hard to break that barrier down. And as soon as I found myself falling, he was nowhere around to catch me. He spent so much time building up my trust and my hopes only for me to come crashing down; hard and fast. After going through this so many times you would think I would learn to handle it better. You just begin to feel so worthless.
I feel worthless.
My First Love whispers; "I am yours and you are Mine, beloved..."
I honestly and humbly admit that so often it doesn't seem enough. And I hate that about myself. Something's gotta give...or somebody. I think that somebody is me.